The Working Moms' Dilemma: How feminism has failed

ABC's 20/20 did an interesting piece on working moms on Friday November 10. Elizabeth Vargas has just returned to work from maternity leave. Prior to her maternity leave she revealed that she was stepping down as co anchor of ABC's World News Tonight and would return as a co anchor of 20/20, for which, despite the fact that freedom of choice is celebrated in this country and that Ms. Vargas made the choice that she felt was right for her family, she received much flak from die-hard working moms

Though I am currently a stay at home mom, I was a working mom once, too. I worked at work and I came home and worked. I was stressed at work and I was stressed at home. I was tired at work and I was tired at home. I felt like a bank which had been totally robbed during the day, but people kept coming through the door and demanding withdrawals from me.

The 20/20 piece focused on how heavily burdened working moms are and the solution to this dilemma which was presented was paid maternity leave.

When I watched the show, I was amazed by a few things.

1) Though the working moms interviewed are miserable in their daily life, they honestly feel that they are stuck and have no options, that they are now working out of necessity rather than by choice. They also said they felt unable to ask for help because of the competitiveness with men.

The fact that women are in competition with men is part and parcel of the feminist movement of the 1960's. Total gender equality is a dream that feminists have been chasing for 40 years, and they are still chasing it. The sad reality for the 60's feminists is that women will never achieve that goal.

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." The fact is that women are by design nurturers and nesters. If it weren't true, then why is it that when mom leaves work, she runs by the store for a few groceries? Why is it that when mom comes home from work, she sets about cooking dinner? Why is it that when mom comes home, she feels the need to pick up the house and get the laundry together? Why is it that when mom is home she checks the homework? Why do working moms still fall naturally into the role of caretaker and household task-doer? Why is it that new moms feel incredibly guilty when they leave the newborn with the sitter and go to work? Because women will always be plagued by the animal instinct that comes from bearing a child. It is as natural as bees and honey, as birds going South to winter.

Working mothers all across the nation are finally saying, "We need help. We can't do it alone." Ms. Vargas admits freely that for decades we have been telling working mothers that they should be able to do it all and have it all. Therefore, there should never have been any reason for working mothers to receive any type of support that would make life easier for them. What Ms. Vargas didn't admit was that this empty promise is just one more way feminism has failed women.

2) The simple suggestion that women actually take responsibility for their finances and plan financially to be off work during maternity leave was nothing less than stunning to Elizabeth Vargas. She equated unexpectedness of Peter Jennings' death and Bob Woodruff's injury in Iraq to her her pregnancy. This is an unfair comparison. Nobody planned for Peter Jennings' illness and Bob Woodruff's injury, but the fact is that pregnancy and childcare can in fact be anticipated and prepared for.

Deputy Assistant Secretary of Labor Karen M. Czarnecki said, "We need to do more to encourage Americans to save more for the time that they do need to be out of the workforce," to which Ms. Vargas was astounded and responded with an incredulous and confused question. "It's up to a person to save enough money before they have a baby to be able to stay home for a few weeks and recover and spend some time with that new baby?"

Ms.Czarnecki confirmed, "Yes, I think people have to take responsibilty for themselves and they shouldn't always look to government to have an answer for them." I could not have said it better myself. What a novel idea- individual responsibility. One could also refer to it as "family planning." For a society which is so in tune to the idea of individual choice, one would think that natural progression would be the acceptance of the consequences of our choices. If we, as individual women, choose to have a baby, why is it then that the consequences of our decisions become the responsibility of our employers or our government?

Furthermore I find it appalling that Ms. Vargas and Senator Dodd compare the U.S. to countries such as Iran and North Korea while referring to their social programs with respect to paid maternity leave as though we should be more like those countries. The next point here is obvious: If women want the U.S. to be more like those socialist countries, they should move to one for a year and see how what they offer their residents compares to what the U.S. offers in terms of not only social programs but also freedoms and rights. Perhaps they would find that North Korea's politics and human rights practices are not worth staying to receive paid maternity leave.

Besides, what makes them think that other countries have all the right answers? If other countries are so much better at providing for their populations' needs, then why are so many people trying to enter the United States to live and work? And what makes them think that we have to be like other countries? Didn't the Founding Fathers come to the New World to be different and unique?

Again in an effort to direct accountability toward government, Ms. Vargas and Senator Dodd took the opportunity to slam the Bush Administration for being opposed to giving money for childcare or paid matternity leave. The one obvious point that was not made about government taking on this burden was that it would most definitely result in higher taxes for the American people.

3) Initially the focus of the interviews with working moms seemed to rely on the difficult predicament that working moms face in balancing the home and work environments, but the only solution that was focused on was paid maternity leave. But what about after maternity leave? The most difficult part of having children for working moms comes after the children are born and families must endure day to day responsibilities. What good does paid maternity leave do then? This report left a few loose ends.

However, we already know what the answer would have been. Government.

"Government, pay for improved childcare. Oh, and make it more affordable, too."

"Government, pay for working moms to stay at home for 12 weeks with the newborn."

"Government, make my workload more flexible."

4) Apparently, it is out of vogue to debate staying at home versus working. That question has been deemed "no longer relevant" and serves as a distraction, according to Ms. Vargas, and has hindered the progress that could be made towards making life easier for working moms. Carol Evans, CEO of Working Mother Magazine says that "We are way beyond that argument" because 71 percent of all mothers in the U.S. work. However, data supports the trend of more and more mothers making the choice to stay at home. Census bureau statistics show a 15 percent increase in the number of stay-at-home moms in less than 10 years. Why was this not mentioned in Ms. Vargas' story?

Kate Cronin, the executive at a public relations firm and one of the working mothers interviewed for the story, said she sees stories about unsupervised kids getting into trouble and says, "What is going on with the youth of America is the parents of America are out working." That statement itself is a perfect argument for staying at home to be the parents of America who are at home supervising their kids, although it was intended to be an argument for more flexible work schedules.

The truth is that there are many many moms who have traded in their work badges for mommy badges and have made it work on 50% less income, and they have a story to tell!

Just read about Joni McCoy who wrote a book called Miserly Moms. "I believe this can be done because it happened to us. I was a successful business woman with a career in Silicon Valley. After my son was born, I wanted to be at home full-time with my children. I didn't believe that I could afford to quit, because we were living in the expensive San Francisco Bay Area, and I was bringing home 50% of our income. But I did it anyway because my family was my priority. I realized that being a stay-at-home mom was the best for my children."

There are many resources out there for moms who want to take control of their own lives and make a change for the betterment of themselves and for their families. Just Google phrases like "Frugal moms" or "moms at home." A working mom who feels she is stuck really does have options, she just hasn't looked for them.

5) Furthermore, Ms. Evans asserts, in not so many words, that the economy would collapse if all the working mothers suddently stayed at home. "There isn't a governmental agency, there's not a hospital, or a school that could survive more than a day or two without their working mothers fully employed." This is a very short sighted conclusion, given that it has taken more than 20 years for the workforce to grow to include this enormous number of working mothers. If the trend is to be reversed, it certainly would not take place overnight, or in a day or two. It would take at least another 20 years. In addition, because there are plenty of healthy capable men in the nation who are in need of a job and who also feel the need to be useful, the economy would hardly collapse.